and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
