I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
