hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
