Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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