dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
