I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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