You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
