Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
