How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
