his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
