How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she looked like the before picture.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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