I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
