Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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