How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
