Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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