I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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