Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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