Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
