Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
