i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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