Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
