after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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