if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
