there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Go christen that room with your naked body.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize