i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
