dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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