i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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