I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
