3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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