my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
