My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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