Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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