3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
