You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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