you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just want nice things and good sex
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
