tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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