Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
