I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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