The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
