just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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