if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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