so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Let's get the cat blown out
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
