So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize