I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
