I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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