Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
