I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
