She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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