just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
