I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
