Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My penis needs a shock collar
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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