ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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