im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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