the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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