she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
