When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
