using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
