Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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