His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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