Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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