My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
