she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
