did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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