Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
