so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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