It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
