look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
