So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My pussy is not your playground.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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