dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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