Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
